Time to Get Giddy

You're giddy.  There's adrenaline pulsating through your veins.  You may even have the tingles and start gigglin' like a little girl.  I know that feeling.  It's the same feeling I get when I can go to the bathroom by myself and not be bothered by a kid or the dog or cat.  It's like a mini vacation to me.  But that's not why you are having "the feeling".  It's because you saw that a new post was up on this blog.  It's ok.  Everything will be alright.  Take a deep breath.  Count to 10.  And when you're ready, the new post will be here.  Like an old friend giving you a big hug. Or a fist bump. Whatever you prefer.






"I want Froot Loops, Mommy!! ~Bryn

So I reach in the pantry and open the box up to find this....

What!?!?  There's like 13 Froot Loops.  Who the hell can make a bowl out of 13 Froot Loops???  Just dandy.  Now I have a toddler all bent outta shape because there's no Froot Loops.  And do you think she wanted anything else??  Hell no. I never so badly in my life wanted to punch Toucan Sam in that big dick-like beak of his.  I don't care if he was endangered or not.  It was like 7am on a Saturday and I was already telling the day to suck it.
 On the plus side, whoever thought this was a riot to save 13 Froot Loops, wrapped that bag pretty tight.  They were still crunchy.







My kids have had either a cat, dog, or both a cat and dog through out their lives.  I haven't really had to worry too much about the kids getting in the pets' water dish.  Until Bryn came along.

I don't get it.  We have a big tub.  I even put bubbles in it.  But no.  It's obvious that the dog's water dish is way cleaner than the bath tub water.  I mean, seriously, every bath time needs dog drool, floaties from whatever the dog just got done eating, and whatever else may have died in the water. Why have clean fresh running water when dirty dog water will do??  The Amish do it.  Guess the Howard's will too.





I walk around the corner to see this....

   Well, now, this can't be good. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph (and any other Holy person), please let Bryn be sitting on the big girl potty.  Um. Nope, not my girl.  She's itching her bare ass while watching cartoons.  I'm just thankful there wasn't a pile of crap in the middle of my living room.  It's been done before.





Ahhh...yes.  This gem has entertained us for about a week now.  This took place in Madison, Wisconsin.  Me and my "Bop Bop Bop" shorts.  I'm not sure what possessed me to get all funky here...but sometimes things just happen. And sometimes your sister in law catches you.  All I can say here is this....this would have been way hotter had I had on that foam cheese hat on my head.  And if there was a pole in the room.  But that's for another time.  And another blog.  Wisconsin, you'll never be the same once one (or more) of this family swings over for a visit.  But let's face it, it's the most exciting thing that's occurred in that state.

 "I love this hat.  It has balls.  But when I do this, they are like my nipples. Now I can play with my balls and nipples at the same time." ~ Brenen

For a split second, I pretended that he probably didn't mean it the way I was thinking  Then I remembered this fact:  Brenen is MY kid.  Of course he meant it that way.  Needless to say, I do my best to keep this hat at home.  That is one phone call I do NOT want from the principal.  I wouldn't even know how to explain myself.  And let's be real, I'm not even gonna try.





Texting.  Screen shots.  Proof that my kids really are this snarky and sassy.  It's a proud moment for me.  Just a second....I have to regain my composure. 

Ok...I'm fine now.  Kudos to Brooklyn for this.  I was left speechless.  Which, let's be honest, doesn't happen too often.  I'm pretty sure I'm not even speechless when I sleep.

For those that are unfamiliar with what's going on here...I am texting Brooklyn. I am in the blue.  And Boo is the nickname we have given Bryn.  Don't ask why.  I don't know.  Just go with it.

"Hey, Bryn, can you show me  your mad face?"

Ok. Possessed demonic-like face works too.  Linda Blair...you may have some competiton here.






"I'm gonna go rest." ~Bryn

While she isn't REALLY sleeping here, this gave me a brilliant idea.  Next time we go to the park, I am going to make sure she is deprived of her nap.  Let her fall asleep on the park bench.  Next to her, I'm going to place a cardboard sign next to her, with the word "HOMELESS" on it.  (Yes...the 2 S's will be backwards.  And it will be in crayon.  It's all in the details, people).  I then will set an old guitar case next to her.  I'm pretty confidient my mortgage will be taken care of for the month.  And, possibly the next month.  It's never too early to make these kids work for their keeping.

All Aboard the Crazy Train!!!

It's your lucky day.  Why you ask?  Because you're in for a collection of pictures that have been sitting in the Howard Vault. Or more commonly known as "my phone". 

TOOT!! TOOT!! The Crazy Train is boarding!  So quit pretending you have "more important things" to do.  We all know you don't have anything going on.    



"I gots a beaver in my diaper. I takin' him for a ride." ~Bryn

Yes. Yes, Bryn, you do.  And I'm leaving this one alone.  You can insert your own "beaver" joke here. 





Here's the set up on this gem....

I am a mom.  I don't know the meaning of "sleeping like a rock."  I can hear a mouse fart at 3 in the morning.  So, when I wake up to start my day at 5:15AM, and the previous night was uneventful, I ASSUME things are all good in the Howard house.

Alarm goes off.  It's sorta light out.  Sorta dark.  I crawl outta bed.  Feet hit the carpet.  I sleepily shuffle around the bed to walk out the door to head downstairs.  When all of a sudden,  my feet hit this "object".

HOLY HELL!!!!!!  I can't tell you what my body looked like, but if I had to guess, I'd say Chuck Norris would be jealous of the moves I did.  Seriously...how the hell she crawled outta her bed, opened her door, and walked into my room without me waking up, is beyond me.  Apparently, SHE is quieter than a mouse fart.






"I hidin', Mommy!!" ~ Bryn

Nope.  Couldn't find her.  The blanket did me in.  I can't imagine how hard it would be to find her if that blanket was made outta camo.







I am guessing this has to be one of the "Top 5 Reasons" to get an Irrigation System.  Our yard looks wonderful.  Not to mention the money we are now saving on baby wipes and toilet paper.  I like things that are multi-functional. 

Here's something that will really get everyone talkin'!  A VIDEO!!  Yes.  A video.  I figured out how to get a video onto this blog.  That in itself deserves a medal. But, most importantly, I think we should all just sit back and applaud me for capturing this.  Yes, I had to lie to get it.  And yes, that lie was to my kid.  Get over it.  I said an exta Hail Mary that night.  The Lord and I are cool. 

"I'm sorta too tired for supper." ~Brenen

You're SORTA tired?!? That's mildly stating it.  What do I do when he says he's "exhausted"?!  And here's a thought, why am I spending money on beds, or pillows, or blankets for these kids?!  They obviously are able to sleep anywhere.  And in any position.  I'm just getting these kids slabs of concrete to sleep on.  I guess I could upgrade to a high quality granite to give more of a "luxury" feel.

Why Our Walks Take FOREVER

"Let's go for a walk, Bryn!!"

Walk, walk, walk, walk.

SCREECHING HALT.

"STOP!!!  My baby pooped."

Who needs a Koala Kare Changing table, when the pavement works WAY better.  I feel for this doll...sorry "baby",  who literally must know what it's like to have "ants in your pants".  And, apparently this "baby" has the shits...cuz we stopped 62 times in like two tenths of a mile. 

First Day as a "Blogger"

Whoa. Look at me.  A writer...ok a "blogger".  This idea was given to me by numerous people, who apparently find my family pretty funny.  The amount of texts, inbox messages, emails, comments, and "likes" on my Facebook page seems to have people "beggin' for more"! Since I aim to please, here it is...a blog dedicated to mostly my kids and all the crazy stuff they do and say for your entertainment!

 I have to say this....these are DAILY occurrences  at our house, and each person seems to each have their own sense of humor.  And there isn't a day that goes by, that we aren't laughing at something somebody says or does.

I also want to just be serious for a moment (yes..I am totally wingin' the "how to be serious for a moment" gig) and say this....Our family's humor isn't meant to hurt or offend anyone.  And it may not always be funny to everyone.  However, remember, this is America, you have CHOSEN to follow this blog....you can UN-chose it if you find your panties are getting in a knot. 

And because some of you have asked: Yes, I do carry my iPhone EVERYWHERE...without it, I wouldn't be able to capture what I capture. 

So...here we go.  Grab a drink.  Sit back.  Buckle in. And join me in what I call "my life"...but you will call, "Keepin' Up with the Howard's"!!  :)