Kids

Kids

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Time to Get Giddy

You're giddy.  There's adrenaline pulsating through your veins.  You may even have the tingles and start gigglin' like a little girl.  I know that feeling.  It's the same feeling I get when I can go to the bathroom by myself and not be bothered by a kid or the dog or cat.  It's like a mini vacation to me.  But that's not why you are having "the feeling".  It's because you saw that a new post was up on this blog.  It's ok.  Everything will be alright.  Take a deep breath.  Count to 10.  And when you're ready, the new post will be here.  Like an old friend giving you a big hug. Or a fist bump. Whatever you prefer.






"I want Froot Loops, Mommy!! ~Bryn

So I reach in the pantry and open the box up to find this....



What!?!?  There's like 13 Froot Loops.  Who the hell can make a bowl out of 13 Froot Loops???  Just dandy.  Now I have a toddler all bent outta shape because there's no Froot Loops.  And do you think she wanted anything else??  Hell no. I never so badly in my life wanted to punch Toucan Sam in that big dick-like beak of his.  I don't care if he was endangered or not.  It was like 7am on a Saturday and I was already telling the day to suck it.
 On the plus side, whoever thought this was a riot to save 13 Froot Loops, wrapped that bag pretty tight.  They were still crunchy.







My kids have had either a cat, dog, or both a cat and dog through out their lives.  I haven't really had to worry too much about the kids getting in the pets' water dish.  Until Bryn came along.





I don't get it.  We have a big tub.  I even put bubbles in it.  But no.  It's obvious that the dog's water dish is way cleaner than the bath tub water.  I mean, seriously, every bath time needs dog drool, floaties from whatever the dog just got done eating, and whatever else may have died in the water. Why have clean fresh running water when dirty dog water will do??  The Amish do it.  Guess the Howard's will too.





I walk around the corner to see this....




   Well, now, this can't be good. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph (and any other Holy person), please let Bryn be sitting on the big girl potty.  Um. Nope, not my girl.  She's itching her bare ass while watching cartoons.  I'm just thankful there wasn't a pile of crap in the middle of my living room.  It's been done before.





Ahhh...yes.  This gem has entertained us for about a week now.  This took place in Madison, Wisconsin.  Me and my "Bop Bop Bop" shorts.  I'm not sure what possessed me to get all funky here...but sometimes things just happen. And sometimes your sister in law catches you.  All I can say here is this....this would have been way hotter had I had on that foam cheese hat on my head.  And if there was a pole in the room.  But that's for another time.  And another blog.  Wisconsin, you'll never be the same once one (or more) of this family swings over for a visit.  But let's face it, it's the most exciting thing that's occurred in that state.











 "I love this hat.  It has balls.  But when I do this, they are like my nipples. Now I can play with my balls and nipples at the same time." ~ Brenen




For a split second, I pretended that he probably didn't mean it the way I was thinking  Then I remembered this fact:  Brenen is MY kid.  Of course he meant it that way.  Needless to say, I do my best to keep this hat at home.  That is one phone call I do NOT want from the principal.  I wouldn't even know how to explain myself.  And let's be real, I'm not even gonna try.





Texting.  Screen shots.  Proof that my kids really are this snarky and sassy.  It's a proud moment for me.  Just a second....I have to regain my composure. 

Ok...I'm fine now.  Kudos to Brooklyn for this.  I was left speechless.  Which, let's be honest, doesn't happen too often.  I'm pretty sure I'm not even speechless when I sleep.

For those that are unfamiliar with what's going on here...I am texting Brooklyn. I am in the blue.  And Boo is the nickname we have given Bryn.  Don't ask why.  I don't know.  Just go with it.











"Hey, Bryn, can you show me  your mad face?"





Ok. Possessed demonic-like face works too.  Linda Blair...you may have some competiton here.






"I'm gonna go rest." ~Bryn




While she isn't REALLY sleeping here, this gave me a brilliant idea.  Next time we go to the park, I am going to make sure she is deprived of her nap.  Let her fall asleep on the park bench.  Next to her, I'm going to place a cardboard sign next to her, with the word "HOMELESS" on it.  (Yes...the 2 S's will be backwards.  And it will be in crayon.  It's all in the details, people).  I then will set an old guitar case next to her.  I'm pretty confidient my mortgage will be taken care of for the month.  And, possibly the next month.  It's never too early to make these kids work for their keeping.