Happy 4th of July from The Howard's!!!
Stop packing up the family. No need to sit in the heat with bugs and keeping the kids up late. Why? Because here is your fireworks!!! BOOM!!!!!! You're welcome.
It's been awhile. I know. And to those of you that have been asking about the latest post, and wondering if this blog was still happenin', I answer this. Settle down. We are still here. But let me explain the "dry spell". (And I'll do it qickly....so unbunch your undies.)
Ever since I started this blog, my kids must think they are like famous or something. For the past month, my older 2 kids would do something and wonder if it was "going on the blog". Um. No. So, I had to put down the phone for awhile. It's only been in the last 2 weeks, that the "cupeth runeth over-th", meaning, the Howard Vault, (my iPhone for those of you just joining us), is full. And the time has come to release it's treasures.
Let's be real for a moment. How long can you really entertain a toddler before you just want to rip your hair out?! Here's the set-up:
I'm at Brenen's baseball game. Do you think there's a playground near by where I can watch my son AND keep Bryn entertained? No. That would be too easy. And to make matters worse, she has this uncontrollable desire to color. Here was my solution. The pen from my checkbook and a banana peel.
Have at it, Bryn. And, no, I won't be saving any of this art.
"This is not my daddy."
Yes, Bryn. You are correct. That, indeed, is not your daddy. I'm glad that after 3 years, she can tell me who is and who isn't her dad. It's a good skill to have. She'll go far with this talent.
I just had to stop and pick up the essentials.
"Oh blankie. Blankie. Blankie"
Blankie Washing Day. It's a chore in itself to get this done. The first step is to find that nasty thing and wash and dry it before she realizes it's missing. I ALMOST had it. Until she wanted to be my "helpa", and take the load of laundry out of the washer and into the dryer. BAM!! Blankie spotted. Son of a B. She stood here waiting for that damn thing to dry. It got to the point where I just cranked that dryer on HIGH and put the blanket in there itself. DRY, dammit, DRY!!!!!!
I thought I succeeded in getting a great shot of myself and Bryn....until I heard giggling. BROOKLYN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Really!? Photo bombed. It happens to the best of us. But not usually by our own offspring. I'm not even going to try to take another picture. We're calling this good.
People wonder what made the dinosaurs extinct. And, I'm not here to discuss that. Why? Cuz I don't care. But I have discovered what could make my family of 5 extinct. And here it is. Scientific proof.
The Old Navy Theory:
Yes. We have a lot of shoes. But that isn't what this theory is about. It's about Old Navy. Hence the same The Old Navy Theory. If Old Navy ever stopped selling their $2.50 flip flops, this family would be done for. We'd just whittle away. While some of you may be thinking, "That's not a lot of flip flops", let me say this. I didn't include the ones that are currently MIA, or sitting in pieces in the yard because the dog ate them or the ones that are at friend's houses, or the pair that got thrown away because Brooklyn stepped in about 5 pieces of chewed up gum.
And yes, Old Navy, we went into seizures when we heard they were $1 last weekend.
"I takin' my sippy for a ride."
Well, sippy cup, I'd hang on if I were you. I can't tell you what happened to the rock, or the dragonfly she took for a spin around the block. They were nicely seated in the back and she came back and they were gone. I didn't ask. I'm thinking you're safe though...unless you are empty....then you're up a creek. Have fun!!
"She not wearin' a diaper!! Or undies!!!"
I got lucky capturing this one. I happen to have my phone in my hand, in camera mode. Which I realize it's blurry. Don't point out the obvious to me. Just enjoy the moment.
I'm thankful here that this was just a mannequin. Which was at Old Navy. Where we may or may not have been buying flip flops.
"Dora is on!!!!!"
Yeah. Dora is on. I hate Dora. I really do wanna punch her in the face. But obviously in Bryn's world Dora rules. I can only compare her excitement to having the Super Bowl on while holding a beer. Or whatever adult gathering you get a big bang out of. I also think the only thing that would make this child happier is if, in fact, she could sit IN the TV. With that sippy of milk.
"Mommy!!!! Shawna Banae!!! Help!!! We need to watch somepin else!!"
Holy Mary Mother of God!! (No pun here). How did she manage to turn THIS show on?! Couple things here. I am glad it wasn't a show called, "Sister Mary Does Dallas" and I'm also thankful that when this holy show came on the flat screen, that our living room just didn't combust into explosions and colorful flames. Thank you, Jesus. We are saved.
"I wanna pick."
Thank you, Pamper diapers. I get the marketing with the Seasame Characters, but let me fill you in on a little dilema that this family is having. Bryn isn't a fan of Big Bird. Therefore, we end up with all Big Bird Diapers. Let me tell you how much this blows. You should be making my life easier, not adding to the chaos. Either eliminate Big Bird or fill the whole box with one character. Bryn likes Elmo. And Cookie Monster. Until we get this child potty trained, which clearly isn't going to happen in my lifespan, knock it off.
"My baby pees a lot."
Um. Yes. Yes she does. And where the hell did you find all these diapers?! No wonder "diapers" are on my list every damn week. Stop using your diapers. And aparently I have to stash the diapers at the neighobr's just so you won't find them. Better yet, use the Big Bird ones. I seem to have plenty not being used.
"I don't like my weiner dat way."
Yeah, Bryn, me either.
"I going shopping."
Um. I hope you aren't planning to go shopping in public. And newsflash, you aren't going with me like that. First thing first, if you're going to be dressed like that, we will be going to Wal-Mart. Target doesn't allow people like this in their stores. Second off, unless we are shopping the day After Thanksgiving, the helmet probably isn't necessary. I'm all about safety, but this is a little extreme.
Irrigation Systems. Or "Sprinkles" as they are known to by Bryn. They really do provide entertainment.